IVF #1

I didnt realize it had been so long since I had written anything. The past two weeks had been two of the hardest weeks of the whole process, and I really started to withdrawal a lot from everyone. So here is the update for the past few weeks. The transfer went well, but my estrogen levels had gotten so high, the embryologist told us that this may cause an issue.  The day they took out my eggs, my levels were about 4,000, and most people get at the most to 2,000. I had also had a ton of eggs. At the time i thought this was really exciting and great, but I learned that the more eggs that you have, the less quality the eggs are because there are just so many that need to develop. During IVF, they fertilize the eggs and put a few of them back into the uterus on day 5. We went back on day 5 for our transfer, but our eggs were developing really slowly. They took the two best ones that were ahead of the others and transfered them back in, and they told us they were going to let the others develop for a few more days before freezing. At the time there were 20 developing, not counting the ones they transfered back into my uterus. We got a call on day 7, and they told us that they were able to freeze 8 embryos out of the 20. Four are good quality, three are fair, and one is poor quality. I am worried about all of them because they developed so slowly, it could be a bad sign, but they seem to have some hope so I am trying to hold onto some also. Then after the transfer, I went in for the blood test to check my levels and my estrogen had dropped to 69, and it was supposed to be over 200. I was taking estrogen pills, but they decided also to put me on an estrogen patch. I went back the next day for another blood test, and the level went to 139. It still wasnt high enough, so they put me on 3 estrogen patches as well as the pills. I went back again for a blood test and my level went to 320 which was finally good. Yesterday morning I took a home test, which was negative and I knew it didnt work. Everyone else still had a lot more hope then I did and they started praying for different results during the blood test. I took another test this morning before we went in, which was also negative, and I told Tim to be prepared because it was going to be negative at the doctors office. And it was. Its hard to think that after all of this we didnt get pregnant, but I have hope that we have 4 embryos that are good quality that we can try again with, which we will. We have to give my body a chance to rest some and go back to normal, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I can still feel my ovaries going back to their original size, and at times if i move the wrong way I get a lot of pain. My levels also need to go back to normal, so that when we try again my body will be ready to accept the embryo. I thought the hardest part of IVF would be the shots, but the hardest part was definately the 2 week wait and I am not looking forward to doing that part again. It was one of the hardest 2 weeks I have had to go through, and by the end I was so drained from waiting and hoping and praying and thinking every little thing was a sign of pregnancy. I just pray that God will allow us to have our own child, a part of me is so scared that He isnt going to allow that to happen. I do appreciate all of your prayers, and support through the whole process. We are going to try our IVF #2 in a few months. It is not going to be as hard as the first one, less medications and I dont have to go through the retrieval and all of that again. It is also 5,000 instead of 15,000 which is still a lot, but we want to give it one more try before giving up. We want our own child that will look like us, and have a part of me and Tim in them. I really do hope all of you parents out there truly realize how lucky you are to have your children, because it really is a blessing. I know the turmoil of not being able to have one or even get pregnant, so I really hope when you think of us going through this you will be reminded of what a gift you have really been given. Ill keep you up to date as we start our next cycle in a few months.