Love

So I went in to pick up my shots on Friday. Lets just say, it is very overwhelming to get a HUGE box of needles and lots of medications! Just looking at it made me cry. It is so real and its coming fast, and its scary!! I am so excited for the end result, but so scared to get there! My wonderful friend Kristen who has been through all of this with me, got a scared text from me, and she came over and helped me sort through everything. She wrote me up a calendar that I can actually understand, and put happy faces and hearts and a Bible verse on there for me. I felt so special that she would go out of her way to help me out, and I am soooo thankful for her! Today was my little sisters going away party, she is moving to Texas tomorrow morning. Bill and Candy Peters came by our house before the party, and went through everything with me. She taught Tim how to do the shots, and she showed him where to give them and exactly how to do everything. It was so helpful! Tim thought he had to jab them in really hard, and Candy taught him the truth so lets just say I am SUPER thankful for Candy! We went over to my parents house for the party, and my Dad called everyone in the front room. They all gave us this amazing gift, a whole bunch of fabric squares sewn together and everyone in my family had written something on each square. My sister in law Allison had put it all together for us, and we are going to hang it up in our soon to be babys room! Then they all prayed for us! It was so amazing to be reminded of how much people love us and are thinking of us and praying for us. How people want us to have kids so badly, alongside us. It is so strange to say, but in a way I am thankful for infertility. I have changed SO much through this process, but I am also so ready for it to be over! Before this, I had so much anger at God. But through all of the emotions of this process, I have learned that God loves me more than I could ever understand. He has used my pain and grief and sorrow and all of the emptiness I have felt to fill me with His love. And He has given me SO many people who have walked exactly where I am walking, who understand completely what I am going through. Not only have I felt His love for me from Him, but I have felt it through all of the people He has brought into my life, in ways that I would have never dreamed of. I have learned and am learning to truly love people, which is something I have always struggled with, and I am learning that people truly love me, which I have struggled with even more. I am ready for my baby, so ready!! Shots start Thursday!!