Love

So I went in to pick up my shots on Friday. Lets just say, it is very overwhelming to get a HUGE box of needles and lots of medications! Just looking at it made me cry. It is so real and its coming fast, and its scary!! I am so excited for the end result, but so scared to get there! My wonderful friend Kristen who has been through all of this with me, got a scared text from me, and she came over and helped me sort through everything. She wrote me up a calendar that I can actually understand, and put happy faces and hearts and a Bible verse on there for me. I felt so special that she would go out of her way to help me out, and I am soooo thankful for her! Today was my little sisters going away party, she is moving to Texas tomorrow morning. Bill and Candy Peters came by our house before the party, and went through everything with me. She taught Tim how to do the shots, and she showed him where to give them and exactly how to do everything. It was so helpful! Tim thought he had to jab them in really hard, and Candy taught him the truth so lets just say I am SUPER thankful for Candy! We went over to my parents house for the party, and my Dad called everyone in the front room. They all gave us this amazing gift, a whole bunch of fabric squares sewn together and everyone in my family had written something on each square. My sister in law Allison had put it all together for us, and we are going to hang it up in our soon to be babys room! Then they all prayed for us! It was so amazing to be reminded of how much people love us and are thinking of us and praying for us. How people want us to have kids so badly, alongside us. It is so strange to say, but in a way I am thankful for infertility. I have changed SO much through this process, but I am also so ready for it to be over! Before this, I had so much anger at God. But through all of the emotions of this process, I have learned that God loves me more than I could ever understand. He has used my pain and grief and sorrow and all of the emptiness I have felt to fill me with His love. And He has given me SO many people who have walked exactly where I am walking, who understand completely what I am going through. Not only have I felt His love for me from Him, but I have felt it through all of the people He has brought into my life, in ways that I would have never dreamed of. I have learned and am learning to truly love people, which is something I have always struggled with, and I am learning that people truly love me, which I have struggled with even more. I am ready for my baby, so ready!! Shots start Thursday!!

 

And the ball is rolling!

I wanted to keep this journal going, mostly for me to be able to have a place to go to share our story as it unfolds. Our IVF is starting soon! I get my calendar next week, and get the shots and everything ordered so that we can get the process going! At first I was extremely scared, thinking of having to give myself shots and of the pain of everything was definately effecting me, especially my sleep! But now, I am feeling more peace, and more hope. I have accepted the fact that I have to do this to get our baby, and I would do anything that I had to do in order to get our baby. The past months have brought about sooo many feelings, I have felt empty as babies were born, and desperate as more and more friends kept finding out they were pregnant. It is hard not to doubt God and everything else when you feel like everyone is getting blessed with what you feel you can only dream of. But now, its OUR turn!! :) And I cant wait! Knowing that the IVF is going to be happening in the next few weeks gives me so much hope, but also a lot of fear, as there is a 50% chance it will work, and 50% chance it will not. I pray that we have a lot of eggs that fertilize so that even if this cycle fails, we will have eggs ready to try another cycle quickly. I know that we will be parents, and I hope it is next month!! Who knows, we may even have twins, they do put two eggs in at a time!! I want to thank everyone who helped us out financially, it meant sooo much to me that so many people were willing to sacrifice of their finances for us, I cannot even explain how much it meant to me and will always mean to me! We still need to come up with 400 to 500 more dollars, so if anyone else wants to help us out, you can still scroll down to the first entry and the donate link is still attached. We are getting there though, dollar by dollar!! Also, thanks for all of the prayers, keep them coming!! As I start shots, we dont know what my hormones or pain tolerance will be, so it could be a fun month, haha. Pray for Tim as he has to help administer the shots and deal with my emotions. And although it is a weird thing to pray for, pray that I can produce lots of eggs!! This are my prayers, and I would love for people to pray along with us. Anyways, I will continue to update our journal as the process continues!

The Appointments Begin

Yesterday was my first appointment! I was pretty nervous, but everything went well. Everything looks pretty good for the IVF, except that I have a cyst that needs to go away!! Hopefully it will be gone by my next ultrasound so everything can continue as scheduled. I received my calendar, and I start my first shots next Thursday. She taught me how to do them, and I was nervous just watching so pray that I have a lot of courage when it comes to doing them next Thursday! Its very scary, and I dont like needles at all, but I know I can do it. We are scheduled to do our tranfer on the week of June 20th, not sure what day it all depends on how everything is coming along and how I respond to the medicine. The transfer is when they take the eggs out, fertilize them, and a few days later put two back in. We should find out if it worked around the beginning of July. Its crazy that it is coming so fast, and so exciting to think that I could be pregnant around the end of June!!! I am cutting caffeine out of my diet, which has been giving me crazy headaches and has made me so tired. But it is best for the procedure so I am going to do it. I havent had it in 3 days! Its amazing how addicting caffeine is, and how hard it is so stop having it. I am so excited to start this process. The calendar was a little overwhelming, but they said to take it one day at a time and everything will be ok. I have great doctors and nurses, so everything will go great im sure. Our doctor said he has good hopes for us since we are so young, so that was reassuring. We are so excited and appreciate your prayers!!