Feeling thoughtful

I am in a thoughtful mood today. There are definitely days in life where you sit and think about all God has done and you sit in awe of his miracles. Of course life is hard, and there are also times when you search everywhere and you just can't see God working at all, but the truth is He is, He always is. Being a mom is hard work, its exhausting, it requires a lot of coffee, and most of the time you feel like you are giving so much and receiving so little. But at the same time, it is such a blessing and such a gift. To be able to transform and imprint lives everyday. To be the #1 person in someone's life and to know your opinion and affection matters so significantly. There are times when I think I am doing such an awful job, and then times i feel like the most successful person in the world. God has given me the best and greatest gift and I am so thankful. If you would have asked me what my greatest wish was a year ago, it would have been to get pregnant and have a baby. But if you were to ask me now, I wish that I could go back in time and have had these three beautiful children from the moment they entered this world. To take away their fears of abandonment and to replace it with the understanding of unconditional love. Love that will never send them away, love that would never place them in a new home making them feel like they aren't good enough. To know that such young minds have such big fears breaks my heart. For my daughter to get a new bunk bed and ask my everyday if she gets to keep it. For my son to ask if he has to get a new mom when he gets a little bigger, to have the kids rush to tell me how much they love me after they get in trouble because they are scared. I now have something new I get to trust God with, and that is mending their little hearts and showing them that His love is pure and unconditional, and because of that I can love them unconditionally as well. I know that every hug and every kiss is another step in the direction of them learning that I am not going away. That they are safe and they will not have to move to a new home with a new mom and family ever again. I pray that my approval is always easy for them to get, that they never feel they have to be perfect or do things correctly to win my love and get my acceptance, that it is just already there. I pray that I can show them God's love in a way that they don't feel like that have to search the world for acceptance, but know that they are accepted within our home no matter what. God has done such a huge miracle in our lives, and I am so blessed and thankful that he chose this plan for Tim and I. I wouldn't change it for anything.