Adoption

I heard a voice coming from the bathtub, MOM!!! MOM!!!! for the 100th time. Yes this is the word I LONGED to hear for so long, and I frustratingly said, Jessy can you stop screaming at me and just take a bath?? What do you need?? And I hear her little voice say, I am going to miss you when you go on your trip with daddy, and I love you! My heart literally melted, and I ran in there and told her I would miss her too. My mind went backwards to when we first picked her up at the airport and I couldn't even get her to smile. To when I would just cry and cry because as hard as I would try, I could not get this little girl to connect with me. She had more walls up than any 1 year old (at that time) I had ever met, and all of my efforts seemed to be in vain with this little girl because she was so angry. And she had every right to be that way. She had been moved around a lot from foster home to foster home, and to be that little and to have experienced that much pain and broken attachments was too much for her little brain to understand, and she couldn't process it all. Over the past year, I have seen this little girl blossom into this amazing 3 year old, that has captured my heart in a place I never knew she could get to. I see her be so affectionate, kissing my hand, constant I love yous, BIG hugs and tons of smiles and laughs. She even has a favorite stuffed animal now which has gone with us everywhere, and even this small thing is such an answer to prayer. For a little girl to have been through all this, and to pick a "favorite" toy and get attached to it, is a huge deal! This is what I prayed for, in her little life. For her to be less angry, for her to attach to me as well as Tim, for her to know she's loved and to know I will always be her Mom. Of course she is 3 and cannot say that she is feeling all of this, but I have seen it in her whole change of personality. I have recently been attending bible study fellowship with my sisters, and it has been amazing. We have talked a lot about Moses, who was also adopted :). Not only was he adopted by Pharaohs daughter, he was adopted by God. Today our speaker said, when God adopts us he gives us all of Himself and he accepts all of who we are. As I was thinking on this I realized that it is so true. When I adopted my kids, I made the choice to give them all of me, all of my love and affection, my unconditional support and care, to know me better than most of the world does, and I have accepted everything about them. We may be working to change a few things, but I took them in just as they were, broken, hurt and confused, and have helped them to process their feelings and fears and to know a new and better life. I think most of my life I have struggled to know who God is, and I have longed to know Him more. Although no one will ever fully know Him, I have come to know who He is more in the past few weeks than I ever have before. Adoption is a perfect picture of who He is. He takes us as we are, when we hurt-he hurts, when we go through pain-he is in pain with us. My sister said a few weeks ago in class, God is a God of emotions, He experience feelings. That stuck out to me because its so true. He chooses to give Himself to us, and accepts us just as we are, imperfect, and helps us process our hurts and fears and shows us life through his eyes to change our perspective. I once had a lady ask me a while ago that now that I have adopted, do I sense a clearer picture of who God is. I kind of looked at her weird and said ummm no, right now we are pretty much trying to survive each day! When we first got our kids, it was not easy! It was some of the hardest and super emotional times in my life. I wouldn't say parenting is all of the sudden easy now, but it has changed so much and is very different now, in such a good way. But now that we are in a better place with our little ones, and I think back on that question, I get it. I see it. I see what God has done for me more clearly by adopting me. I am so thankful that He has given me this opportunity to rescue 3 little ones, with his help, and is allowing me to get a clearer sense of who He is and what He has done for me.